Many times when we want to achieve something and we don’t achieve it, the reason is that we are sabotaging ourselves.
Every time you have the opportunity to do something and you are close to success, but you don’t actually do it, you probably sabotage yourself….
Think about it.
What is self-sabotage?
This is a situation where you know what you need to do to succeed, and just when you need to do it, you start procrastinating and you don’t do the thing. And that way, you consciously or unconsciously put a barrier before your success. This stops you from getting the results you want and achieving the growth you are striving for.
One of the reasons we do this is that the success, although desired, would take us out of our comfort zone. And we as people are usually wired to do everything to stay in our comfort zone. This is the natural reaction of the reptilian brain (the oldest part of our brain), which takes care of our safety and keeping things under control.
How to deal with self-sabotage?
The first step is to understand exactly how we sabotage ourselves.
Self-sabotage is an emotion and, as such, we can manage it the way we deal with any other emotion. First of all, every time we realize that we are preventing ourselves from succeeding, we should ask ourselves:
- What needs do I meet with this destructive behavior of mine?
- Do I get positive side effects from not acting?
- Am I afraid of success or what it will bring to me?
The last question may seem strange, but in fact many times we are afraid of our success. In the way that the success may bring to us insecurity, we may be judged by other people, etc. So, it is safe to just stay where we are….
If you find out that you are really afraid of achieving success, try to remind yourself why you are pursuing this specific goal. Think and tell yourself again the reasons why you want to achieve this. And then ask yourself the following reinforcing question:
What will be the consequences if I continue to sabotage myself – to procrastinate and not do what I know I have to do? Where will I be in 1 year from now if I continue like this?
The next step is to ask yourself the next question:
What do I want to do now and why is it important to me?
Then comes the hardest part –
you must break the destructive pattern of self-sabotage.
Here you may need a coach or someone to help you do this and hold you accountable. But in essence, you just need to repeatedly break the pattern by doing something unexpected for your brain or to simply change your focus.
For example, set a rule for yourself: every time I procrastinate and do not act for more than 30 minutes, I will do 30 push-ups. Thus, gradually the bad habit will be eradicated, or at least you will have done something good for your body and health. I learned this strategy from Cloe Madanes and it comes from the principles of the strategic intervention approach that I follow when working with my clients.
Your task now is
to think about what things you put off and what things you sabotage yourself for. Be clear about them, because clear focus is strength. And immediately, right now, decide how you will stop this destructive behavior every time you have a tendency to do so. Do this for 30-45 days and you will have a new habit: to always do quickly what you know is important to achieve your success.